I Broke My Baby!

My baby is fine, but I broke my baby. If there was a reset button to restore Victoria's factory settings I would have hit it last week. I am a little nervous and apprehensive to explain what happened as I don't want to be judged, or deemed a bad mother. I decided to push on and publish to help another mum in a similar position feel ok about it, so here goes...

This week, Victoria had an ear infection, a red bottom, a blocked nose and the worst stomach pains in the history of the world. Physically, emotionally and every other which way she was broken, and I couldn't help but hold myself responsible. I had chronic ear infections as a child, so I knew what to look for and took Tori off to the doctor as soon as she started to scream and pull hard on her ear. The decision was made to put her on antibiotics and I reluctantly fed my baby her dosage morning, noon and night which stripped her of good and bad bacteria making her bottom red red red.

The blocked up nose was troublesome, with little available to remedy it. The colic pains were crippling, producing grunts and snorts similar to that of a wild boar. My little darling must've wondered what in the world she had done wrong to be tortured in such a way.

I lovingly and carefully gave her medicine, rubbed ointment on her bottom, kept her warm and held her close through every grizzle and every groan. The whole while I felt helpless and guilty for letting my angel get in such a state. How could I let his happen? Would she be better off with someone else? Will the damage be permanent? Will the council come and take her away?

Luckily none of the above happened, and this week we're back to normal. Everyone reassured me that I wasn't a bad mother, that babies are resilient, and that these things happen. I have to believe that, and I have to know that she is safest with me.

To some extent I feel like I break her down a little every day. But every morning she wakes up with a new energy and off we go again. In the morning we start fresh and by the arsenic hour we're both tired, cranky and destroyed. I guess it only makes us stronger.

Stick with me little one, you're not going anywhere. I'm learning with you and doing my very best to help you grow into a happy, healthy little lady. I love you

Posted in: Baby 5-8 weeks